1. Both Parents Must be Involved. It does very little good for one parent alone to work at reassurance. Both parents need to make sure the children understand that both mom and dad will:
- still be their parents
- act like parents
- discipline them when needed
- protect them from harm
- follow consistent rules
- not lean on the child for support but will provide support for the child, and
- both love the child and will remain in the child's life.
These are the most important messages.
2. Divorcing Parents Must Respect One Another. There is ample research to suggest that children do best when their divorcing parents treat each other respectfully and civilly. Even if your anger is burning or you feel wronged in the divorce process, parents must not communicate that to their children. Vent to friends or bartenders, but not to the kids.
3. Keep a Routine. Children feel more secure when there is a standard routine. Stick with bedtimes, no matter at which home the children are. Have some consistent chores. Have some time committed to the child which is treated as sacred.
4. Get Help When Needed. There are many resources for help for your children. If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program, make use of it when needed. If you sense that your child needs professional help or therapy, don’t hesitate to get started. Sometimes there will be issues that a parent is just not able to deal with effectively.
Conclusion
Children are often the innocent bystanders in a divorce situation. And no matter how justified the reason for the divorce, parents need to understand their responsibility to minimize the impact on them and make this major change in their lives as easy as is humanly possible.
